Well hello again!
It’s been sometime since I have had an opportunity to write freely. Being a full time mom, part time college student kind of puts a damper on things. Oh and lets not forget life, that thing that throws us a curve ball every now and again. Dealing with health issues but that is not so bad, at least I got it, right? Wednesday would have been my brother’s 40th birthday. I am going to take my father out to celebrate the life of my brother. I still can’t believe it’s almost been a year. Hard to digest that he is really gone. Often I close my eyes and I can hear his voice and see his face. I replay the images like a movie and often I don’t want to open my eyes to come to the reality that when I open them, Ross will not be here. Several times I have to catch myself hanging up when I go to call him or when I talk to my father to say, have you heard from Ross?
This journey has been tough. I miss my brother and only God can heal my pain along with the gift of time to tend to the wound that will never completely heal. I miss getting my text messages from my brother asking if I have seen dad, or the messages asking me to check in on dad. My big brother was just that, sure he was a pain at times but that was just a show, he really was the sweetest, loving, protective big brother. I miss our talks and I often laugh when recalling the many stories he shared with me over the years.
I shake my head, this is not the way It was supposed to be. My brother, my hero, my everything, I always looked up to him. Hard not to even as he stood 6 ft and some inches over me, but you get the point. I am currently digging out old video from 11 years ago, I have some video of my brother and oldest son. (Makes me mad that I haven’t video tapped more, something that is now changing). That is the greatest thing about film, you never age, get sick, or die. Everything remains the same and will be as long as film is around.
These next few months will be hard, but I have learned a lot through this journey. Life is really short, cherish everyday, no one is promised a tomorrow. Simple enough?! Yet, so, very difficult to grasp in one’s everyday life.